Archive for the ‘the still small voice within’ Category

42. How You See It

December 7, 2018

When I try to do something and fail, that seems to suggest that I can’t do it. Suggest, but not prove. This is where I have to decide, and choose between letting it go, or trying harder. If I try again and fail again, the suggestion gets stronger, so the determination must get stronger, or else rationally I should choose to let go of that endeavor and move on. Does that make me a quitter? Or a failure? That’s my choice too.

Everything that happens in life is open to interpretation, and ultimately the only interpretation/ opinion/ belief that matters is yours, because that is the only one that actually has any true power or influence on your life.

The children’s rhyme “sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me” is good advice, though not entirely true. Words can hurt, a lot, but can not conquer you, unless you choose to let them. You always have a choice. Are you going to let somebody “out there” set your course in life? Will you choose to let their opinion change your own inner knowing, that you are much more than they can see? Are you doing that now? Why would you do that?

Once in a casual conversation, a firefighter friend told me “you can do it if you set your mind to it.” I wanted to be a firefighter but as a woman, at 5 foot six and 112 pounds, the odds against it were enormous. Three years of hard work: pumping iron, running bleachers with a backpack full of sand, biking 40-mile-a-day rides, and many failures later, I became firefighter, and then an officer. Though I started late, I served eight years of active duty first-response Fire and EMS, with a remarkable record of work well done. My friend was right.

This is a truth: We can often learn more from failing than succeeding. The experience of failure is painful and humbling, but it is the ultimate challenge to our inner strength. It can develop character and courage, depending on how you look at it, how you choose to see it. Everything in life is open to an unlimited number of interpretations. The one that matters, is yours.

26. The Cancer of Trump

October 1, 2017

It’s Sunday, my day of reflection and spiritual peace. It’s also Yom Kippur, the time of atonement, and I find within myself something ugly growing. Trump has succeeded in making me hate him. Hate is something I refuse to engage in, and this has been my chosen practice for all of my adult life. Yet this man is so totally evil and soulless, and so constantly attacking every decent thing in my country and the world, always in the headlines destroying, destroying, destroying, our spirit of unity as a nation, and every ideal of democracy, decency, and honesty our country was founded upon, and always, before, has represented in the world. He carelessly and arrogantly commits acts no decent or sane person would ever do. My rage rises up against this monstrous being, and the damage he is eagerly doing to everyone and the planet, and the way that he takes pleasure and pride in it. That’s the hardest part to forgive.

I struggle with this. But when I meditate and pray about it, even though my heart is deeply troubled, the still-small-voice within assures me again, that we are all called to stand for something, and to protect what we know is right, in the face of what we know is wrong. Those are my thoughts today.

I am still the same compassionate person I have always been. I was a public servant (8 years in ALCO Fire Service) and a medical caregiver (20 years in E.R.) where I was able to have genuine compassion for some of the least-blessed and most-rejected forms of our human lives – alcoholics, heroin addicts, crack heads, wife-beaters, even a few murderers. But I cannot muster up any compassion for the vicious cruelty, hideous racism, and insatiable greed of Donald Trump, a reality no one in America can honestly sanely deny. When we have removed him from his illegal dictatorship and stopped his systematic destruction of my country and it’s decent hardworking people, then I will try again to forgive.